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Where Has Love Gone Wrong?

Love & Relationships | 0 comments

Where Has Love Gone Wrong?

Love & Relationships0 comments

If we all agree on the self-defying concepts of love, where have we gone wrong? 

Why do we go wrong so often? How have we calloused our souls to the part of love that “always perseveres”(v 7)?

Religious or not, many of us clings to the rhythmic, poetic truth in 1 Corinthians 12:4-7:

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
“It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
“Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
“It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”

Though we fervently believe in these sacrificial precepts of love, our world still dismisses how casual divorce is, how common infidelity is, and how often we hear others say, “I just couldn’t do it anymore.”

Here are my thoughts on the topic.

1. Pursuing the idea of love, over the act of love. 

Think of Disney fairytales of the past where there is a longing for the chivalry of King Arthur’s time, a world locked in effortless love that welcomes magic and fairy dust to sprinkle romance in impossible bliss.

The knight lays down his cape over the mud puddle, he slays the dragon, and he remains as pure white as his trusty steed.

This is what some of us want, what some of us pursue. Yet, unfortunately, this idea of love is not only falsely fancied but heartbreakingly diluted.

After all, what is love without the mud puddles and the dragons? Can love hold merit when it’s never required to “always protect” (v 7)?

Just as we only know light because we know darkness, we only know love because of the fear it destroys.

While high standards are worth the pursuit, they can’t be laced with the shallow love bound by storybooks and fairytales. If we want the knight in shining armor, we must recognise the life of mud and dragons that come along with his sword and shield.

Let’s not diminish the heroic act of love by pursuing only its concept. If we limit its definition to “happily ever after,” we’ll never know what to do when bits and pieces of our knight’s armor remain beautifully imperfect.

2. Assuming others consistently replicate love. 

Love is never purified aside from hard-pressing reality. We are often told that it’s a 50/50 feat. Each must pull his/her weight day in and day out to uphold the eternal vows taken at the altar.

But allow me to share a secret: marriage, even a healthy dating relationship, will never witness the perfect rhythm of consistent efforts.

Someone might rear-end you on the commute home. His boss might lay him off. You might feel frazzled by the never-ending energy the kiddos require. He will likely feel the quiet yet constant weight of ensuring each family member is safe and protected.

The experiences life so unkindly bestows on man and woman will push buttons, trigger angry emotions, and leave one party in a more brute mood than the other.

You can’t hold back love when you feel as though you’re pulling more than half your weight in the relationship. Love isn’t meant to work when only both parties are flawlessly upholding their end of the 50-percent bargain.

If that’s the assumption, you’ll likely end up playing an immature, exhausting game of tug-of-war. When you feel you’ve pulled your weight, you’ll drop the rope and allow him to stumble. If we only harness love when it’s consistently replicated by others, we’ll forget that love “keeps no record of wrongs” (v 5).

3. Placing the ability to love on a pedestal. 

The moment we believe we’ve mastered love, disaster is around the corner.

Love is a constant refinement, a life-long process of working on oneself. We must discover that healing from our heartaches, traumas, and triggers is never the responsibility of another human. Healing is a soulful, God-ordained process, an internal one, and unfortunately, it’s an eternal one.

Heartache and hurt will forever rear their ugly heads on this side of heaven. So long as we recognise that we will always wrestle within ourselves on how to heal and find peace, we will discover that human love is always a work in progress. It will never earn the right to sit on a pedestal.

Such humility will allow us to extend grace as our spouse works on himself. It gives room for each person to be human. And in the middle of such humility, love has room to sustain and “always hope” (v 7).

What are some of the ways you are harnessing love? Share with a comment and don’t forget to react to this post with an emoji!


Photo by Manuel Meurisse on Unsplash 

 Peyton Garland

Peyton Garland

Guest Writing Coach

Peyton Garland is a writer, wanna-be rapper, and coffee shop hopper who loves connecting people to a grace much bigger than expected. Her debut book, Not So by Myself, was promoted by Former White House Press Secretary Dana Perino and endorsed by TED Talk speaker and creator of the More Love Letters movement, Hannah Brencher. You can connect with Peyton via social media or her website.

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