Where did you get your standards and expectations of men in relationships from?
I came across a great post via @roommateshtx on Instagram asking that exact question. I loved some of the comments women shared so I reached out to each of them to see if I could reshare their thoughts in this post. They are agreed so this is a compilation post sharing where they got their standards and expectations from that might be of benefit to you.
“Growing up… the women in my family. But it was more so me learning what I didn’t want and what NOT to do… because neither my mother nor my aunts became wives. My father wasn’t husband material then nor is he now sadly….as I got older and distanced myself from my family by going away for college I realized QUICKLY that life was soooo different from what I was exposed to growing up. From there isn’t been trial and error while fine tuning my self awareness and the expectations I have of my partner and of myself. Making much better choices in my 30s than I everrrrrrrrrr did in my 20s.”
“From my father and brother. Financially responsible and accountable. Ambitious and leading. Family oriented and grateful. Empathetic and communicative.”
“I developed a compass myself, the danger in independent development is your scope and point of reference. Men I grew up with were less than desirable so my expectations were the bare minimum at best but then as I grew and gained experience and perspective I understood I needed to do some healing work in order to create a value set based on how I viewed and respected myself. Now with my spirituality and experience I feel like my standards are fair because what I ask for is equal to what I will provide. Reciprocity at this moment and stage in my life.”
“I learnt my wants/expectations through my own experiences. Haven’t enjoyed being lied to, led on, the masculine one. So I know that I desire honesty, loyalty, someone with the desire and ability to get up and work every day to be able to contribute 50/50, a communicator and good level of confidence.”
“From the past mistake, and knowing myself. The more I gotta know myself, the clearer I know what I want. After that I just need to make sure what I want is what I need. All come from my own experience and learning from different relationships.”
“1. Principles in the Bible. 2. Paying attention to couples who set GOOD examples in their relationships. 3. Myself – reflecting on my core values and the things that make me feel loved in a relationship. I excluded the unrealistic expectations.”
“The Bible. I don’t have good examples of husbands in my family. Me and my husband are high school sweethearts but even then he was much more respectful, disciplined and hardworking than the men in my family. Now that we’re older we both look to the Bible to see how we can improve. And he knows and respects my expectations and I know and respect his expectations.”
“Honestly it is something I had to learn for myself. Something I literally did not develop until I almost turned 30. I had to learn and have an understanding of deep self love and self acceptance so I would say it came from me and reading books. Working on myself to have high self esteem. Of course we have our elders but the elders barely loved their own selves to have expectations. How can we learn from anyone else who doesn’t even love themselves?”
“Through dating, recognizing what felt good and what did not.”
“I had healthy relationships and male role models all around me, yet I still chose someone (at the age of 18) who embodied exactly *none* of those healthy characteristics I grew up around. So I learned and developed my standards after experiencing everything I don’t want in a man. My standards are high now, and I don’t compromise.”
“Experiences with men and the men in my family. They’re married to high quality women or vice versa the women are married to high quality men. The bar was set high at a young age.”
“CardinaIly I learned through trial and error in my youth. Next, as a young woman I learned a true definition of who God wanted for me. Finally as an adult I relearned while walking with God who told me who I was. And gaining knowledge of what godly relationships were.”