Are you dating with intention? You know, setting out your expectations in terms of what you are looking for and all of that good stuff!
Over time we have learned that the majority of our activities need forethought and deliberate effort. Anything we care about deserves some form of planning and intentional thought. Whether it be selecting what to wear, where to go on holiday, out to eat and so much more. When it comes to dating with intention, the dating world isn’t immune from the need for thought and effort.
I’m one of those people who loves, love. One of my favourite pages on Instagram is Black Love because of the transparent stories and lessons couples share. From my personal experience, it’s so important to be honest with yourself about what you want/desire and may be looking for and that’s a two way street because the other person needs to do the same.
Open and honest conversations have the ability to save time, confusion and hurt. But it also allows for better experiences and that’s what dating with intention.
Dating with intention is about taking active steps to go out there and meet new people and being clear on what you are seeking. I mean, you could meet the man of your life in the gym, grocery store or while travelling but if you want to find someone to be in a relationship with it may take more than ‘business as usual’ activities.
The goal is usually to determine whether or not the other person is someone you see yourself in a long-term relationship with. When you date with intention, it has the ability to lead to a committed relationship and/or marriage (if that’s your jam).
Now of course there is always a risk it may lead to nothing but I view it from the lens that there is always something to learn from another person.
We all have distinct personalities, there is no one-size-fits-all approach to dating. We may not be able to influence the decisions made by our potential partners, but we can start with ourselves. So with that in mind, here are some tips on how to date with intention.
Set and be clear on your standards. Having standards is one of those topics that can cause debate after debate. Here’s the deal, you are entitled to have standards regardless of whether someone considers them to be too high or not. However, one question I would advise you to ask yourself is “do I match/stack up to what I’m looking for?” Personally for me, it’s about alignment and being with someone who treats me with respect. Someone I can converse with, laugh with, grow with – those are just some examples.
If you need help with where to start here are a few pointers for you:
- Focus on how you want to feel
- Be clear on what you are prepared to compromise on (and what you’re not)
- Have clarity on what you will not tolerate
For me I will not tolerate abuse of any kind nor will I tolerate disrespect. Another thing I look out for is how someone operates. For example, lateness is a pet peeve of mine as it’s a form of not valuing my time. Of course there are times when a person has a valid reason but when it’s consistent… It’s then an issue.
Whatever standards you set, evaluate yourself at the same time because dating and relationships are a two-way street.
Tap into your friendship groups. You never know who knows who! Don’t be shy to share with your friends what you’re looking for as they could know someone to send your way. I will never forget the time when I was at work and a couple of the women were setting one of the guys up with someone they thought would be ideal for him. Not sure what happened with it but it was funny (in a good way) to listen to the conversation and see his reaction. No one knows you better than your friends so tapping into them is a no brainer!
Be your authentic self. This is about true self expression. There is no point trying to impress someone in a way that doesn’t feel good to you. When you show up, what you wear, how you talk and how you walk should be YOU because that’s what you will be able to keep up with. Anything other than that will be difficult to keep up with… Of course you should make an effort but do it your way – no one else’s. That’s how you position yourself to meet that person for you, the person who is going to accept you in your beautiful uniqueness.
Have fun. Allow yourself to let go and be free. When I was on dating apps I would take it with a pinch of salt because rejection happens online and offline. One minute you’re vibing with someone and the next they completely disappear. If you are into dating apps don’t let rejection get to you or put you off. When someone invites you on a date, be open and go! Meeting and seeing someone in person is a whole different ball game and something that I personally don’t think you can get simply from an online connection.
Allow yourself to rest easy in your feminine energy. Listen into episode SSA 045: Activating Your Feminine Energy with Alana McKenzie. This is about enjoying the process and not being in a rush to put labels on what’s taking place. I know, I know, easier said than done but spend time enjoying the experience that comes with getting to know someone new. Spend time sharing and listening to each other. If you are wasting your time you will know but it requires you to be alert to the signs (red flags) whilst also being alert to those green flags too!
Be open and honest. This kind of links to my point above. If you don’t see a future with someone, be respectful and let them know instead of playing the ghosting and letting it just fizzle out game. Whilst it can be difficult to do, it keeps things clean as confusion can cause more hurt and damage in the long run. If people were more honest (especially when it comes to dating) it would lead to a lot less issues and heartbreak.